One of the first people that I trusted was my older brother. He was always there for me, through everything. When I felt lonely he’d always be there for me. He might think that I didn’t notice but I did notice how much he was there for me, because he would always stand up for me. I felt protected and loved, this allowed me to go to him whenever I needed him. In my life there have been a handful of people who I have learned to trust like him.

Trust is when you rely on someone to always be there for you, relying on someone to keep a secret, and when you know they won’t talk about you behind your back.

When you're younger you believe that anyone can be trusted until someone betrays your trust and you learn that trust shouldn’t just be given to anyone but it should be earned. Everyone learns this lesson in different stages of their life, I learned this at the age of 14. I trusted this particular person with my life. I trusted them by expressing my emotions.

Starting in middle school certain people started making comments about my weight: “You should go to the gym.” “You have to lose weight.” “You're fat.” First I blew them off. But I started thinking more deeply about these comments. I started feeling the hurt these words caused me.

At first I did not have the courage to tell anyone because I felt like it wasn’t a big deal and that if I did tell someone they wouldn't care because they are just words. But finally, I had worked up the courage to tell someone. I was 14 years old. I told this person about the thoughts that had started and were now going through my head 24/7. I told him how I felt like nobody really knew how much their words haunted and hurt me. I trusted this person with all of my heart and when you trust someone you feel like you can tell them anything and everything. I had never wanted to tell anyone about these thoughts I was having, but one day I was having a mental breakdown and this person found me crying. I told them about the suicidal thoughts that were going through my head because of the awful words that were said to me about my body by people who were close to me. They hugged me, and told me it was going to be okay. They asked me if I wanted to tell others who cared about me. And they did, after I gave them permission.

But a few months later. One afternoon, I was complaining about having responsibilities after school. I was tired from school. This person and I fell into an argument. We were cursing each other. I said something that I knew would hurt them. And then in anger he told me “Go kill yourself.”

I was devastated. They knew what I had shared with them months earlier and decided to use it against me. I trusted them and they decided to betray that trust. Their words echoed through my head for a long time. I contemplated if I should listen to those words, but I was strong enough to not give in. It took a few months before I could talk to them again.

Now, three years later, I look back at this argument and I don’t think they meant it, that it was just a moment where they let their anger speak rather than their real feelings. With time and patience I was able to find the trust to tell my friends my story and they showed me that I am loved and that people do want me in this world. With time and the support and love of others, the suicidal thoughts that ran through my head disappeared.

As part of my healing, I am learning to forgive. I don’t want to have that anger and sadness. And now I'm trying to find a way to forgive those who broke my trust and hurt me.

© Martha. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.