Abuse comes in many shapes and forms, voices and faces. There will
always be people who don’t want to be your friends and family who
say they love you, then they treat you like they don’t. I tried to run away from home at 14, from all the chaos that I was surrounded by. I failed and in return ended up in this unknown country. We (my mom and I) were
6,000 kilometers apart, and the separation became because of my stupidity.
I spoke to her only twice and it was only to serve her. I remember hearing her voice saying that she missed me, saying that she felt my rejection because I never answered her messages, meanwhile I ignored her because I knew that talking to her would make me sad.

While in an abusive relationship, I developed emotional and psychological
dependence and I believe that's why I couldn't leave, but he could, he could
see me when he wanted to, he did whatever he wanted to do with me. I was
15 and he left me at 16, and I felt like I had more than just broken bones, but
a broken soul. Bones, I felt destroyed. I weighed 87 pounds.

Deep down I am not a bad person, I never wanted to be that. The first time
I saw him after being away from him for so long, I was sad and exhausted.
When he saw me, he couldn't look me in the eyes, but I did and I saw all the
hatred I had for him. My blood boiled and my body trembled. I never knew
if it was from fear, disgust, anger, or everything. I ended up moving in with
two people who weren’t the best for me either, but it was better than being
in a bad relationship.

It wasn't until one December where in agony I saw myself from another per-
spective. I asked myself, is that me? I looked at my hands, my body, my face,
and asked myself, is that me? I left the country and left everyone behind,
even my family. It hurts me. I remember seeing my grandfather running
after me so I wouldn't leave. I remember it perfectly; I remember his cries
asking me not to leave.

I lost friends and family but I got out of there, yet I was still empty. Something was missing and I was still broken, nothing filled me. I realized that something had to change. I needed to change my mentality, my physique and my soul. I started with myself and waited for my mom to do her part. My mom finished some therapy and she is happy. And me? I weigh 128 pounds. I grew up. I got closer to my family, I made friends, but I still miss my people. I met someone, Saul, who cares about me. I am recovering my health, men no longer disgust me, they no longer scare me, I still hide my body but now it is my way of dressing. I eat more often, I have work and Saul teaches me new things every day, he tries to make sure everything is healthy, that we stay together. He shows me new places, he knows how much I love the sea, music, cats, especially “cosmo”, the landscapes, walking at night, walking alone, rainy days, makeup. In fact, I no longer use makeup to cover up insecurities. Saul's mother says, “to be happy you have to heal your heart" she is right. Forgive, live, feel, hate, cry, laugh and enjoy, but heal, heal the root of your soul to recover the health of your body.

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