I always thought that coming to the United States would be my chance,
my chance to grow, but I don't think so anymore. I came here and lost everything, I came here and I lost myself. I got here and forgot every-
thing I wanted to do with my life. When I was in the Dominican Republic, I already knew what I was going to do with my life, I had clear goals, I had in
mind who I would be in the future. I was a quiet girl. If I got stressed I played
free, fell asleep or simply went into my grandmother's room, turned on the
air and went to bed to watch a series that I liked. Now, I have tried smoking to calm me down. I had friends and I felt good there, I had someone import-
ant and I lost him before arriving here.

I remember the day I came to the United States. I went to school to say good-
bye to my friends, and I hadn't even packed my suitcase. Since I entered school I felt empty and sad because I knew that I would not return to where
all those memories of my adolescence were and where I spent almost all my
happy moments. When he directed me to what was going to be my course, I crossed paths with my English teacher and she told me my ex was sitting on
the basketball court. I entered the classroom and my friends were surprised
to see me because I usually don’t go out. They started telling me things I did
with my ex best friend without me even asking to talk about it. I told them
that we were not together and that I would not return to school because I
was leaving the country. The atmosphere became sad. We went out and sat
where I always sat. My friends and I sat through the entire lunch.

A few minutes later I got up and so did he. He crossed one of the hallways
and did what he always did when he was nervous. He rubbed his hair and
was jumpy. It was amazing how we crossed paths as two complete strangers
with over a year of history together. We started the course and my friends
started giving me chocolates from the high school cafeteria because they
knew I really liked them. I can't stand being there with him in front of me anymore because even if we didn't talk I wanted to be in his arms like before. I decided to leave school and say goodbye. He got up and went to the bathroom. He did this to bump into me when I left the class, but I was very
fast because I was breaking down emotionally. When I got home I didn't
know how to feel. The patio of my house in the Dominican Republic is large
and that was where I used to sit with my family. I lost everything because I
forgot how to feel loved. I think like this when I only spend time with myself
in my mind. It surprises me how different everything is here and how alone
I feel most of the time. The moments when I don't know who I am or who I
will be are the saddest. I miss my country, it had everything and more than
what I needed, to be me. I hope to feel like Vanessa again, the name my
family always used for me. I hope to feel like her again, and not like Wiliana.

© Wiliana . All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.