It started when I was in first grade. Before I moved to New Jersey, I was living in Kansas. I was at a great school, had a great teacher, had a lot of friends, and no problems to worry about. Life was good. I lived in a nice neighborhood, and my parents had good salaries and could spoil my siblings and me. I had friends in different classes, but I was closest to the ones in my class, since I was with them the entire school day.

Recess is the magnum opus to every elementary school student. Our faces would light up when our grade was called to go outside. We were free--free from arithmetic worksheets, reading stories, new Spanish words, and the enclosed school walls. At recess, my friends and I would play soccer. My friends LOVED soccer. Their wardrobe included a rotation of Messi, Ronaldo, and Neymar, Jr. jerseys. It was a popular obsession among them.

I was into basketball. LeBron James was my Leo Messi. Kevin Durant was my Cristiano Ronaldo. Russell Westbrook was my Neymar. And truthfully, nothing seemed to change my love for basketball. But I felt that more important than loving my own sport was loving my friends' sport. It’s not that I didn’t fit in. I got along well with others, since I valued being kind and genuine. But being good at the same sport as the other guys was a big deal. At recess, so much about one’s acceptance and future success seemed to depend on whether or not they were good at playing sports, and specifically soccer.

I started prioritizing soccer over basketball right after my basketball season ended. I played pretty well as a first grader. I was not the tallest on my team, but I directed traffic and even scored a couple times. But everyone was telling me to play soccer with them, so I did. I was able to dribble and pass well. I racked up assists and some goals. I became a valued team player. Sure, it was recess. But there was a lot of social capital that came from one’s accomplishments on the soccer field. Yet, something just did not feel right about playing soccer. I enjoyed it, but I kept asking myself, “Is this really what I want? Is soccer really my passion?” I kept playing, but the questions remained.

Ultimately, I had to decide whether or not it was worth it to play a sport that I genuinely had no interest in. During the final few weeks of school, I stopped showing up to the soccer field. My friends asked me why, especially since I was a good team player. I simply told them that I didn’t feel like playing. I started prioritizing basketball and regularly practicing, so that I could prepare for the next season. It was a refreshing change, since I focused on something I actually liked. I pretended to be LeBron and go for layups, shoot three-pointers, and get rebounds. I didn’t care if I was playing by myself. I ‘dialed in’ to what I liked. And eventually, a few of my soccer friends started playing with me as well.

I think this was my first experience with authenticity. People do not realize how important it is to be your own person even at an early age. It did not affect me socially by changing my recess sport, but I felt like I was doing something right for me. I felt like I didn’t have the pressure of trying to be good at soccer, despite having no interest in it. My advice would be to do things that YOU like. There will be people who disagree. But when others talk behind your back, they are behind you for a reason. Just be yourself, and the people who appreciate your authentic self are the ones who should stay in your life.

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