No one goes through life without hitting rock bottom at least once. In high school, I had what felt like my first mental breakdown. It was the first time I experienced pressure at that level. I was stressed to the point where everything annoyed me as I finished each assignment. During my sophomore year of high school. I got the lowest grade I’ve ever gotten on a test. It was too much.

I am the middle child in my family and I hate it. People always have such a high expectation for me and because of this, I’ve always had high expectations for myself. I am always compared to my older sister, who is a genius. I also have a younger brother, so I have to be a good example for him. I am expected to be someone he can look up to and who can also take care of him. My mom would brag to her friends about me and because of this, I became very sensitive to what people thought of me. I would act timidly and perfectly in front of people so I didn’t reveal the fact that I was the complete opposite.

As a middle child, I was expected to be successful like my sister. I was expected to be as smart as her if not smarter. This was not really a problem because I was a fast learner. I was learning multiplication when kids my age were learning how to add and subtract. I helped as often as possible so I was seen as responsible. I never complained verbally to anyone so everyone thought I was mature. I did everything that was expected of me and by doing so, I was being molded into what everyone wanted me to be.

As I grew older, my responsibilities and expectations increased. My sister was in college by the time I was in middle school. I was expected to walk my brother home from school, cook lunch for the both of us, then help him with his homework like a perfect sister. However, that never seemed to be enough. My parents were never satisfied with my grades even though they were beyond average. I was also blamed whenever my brother didn’t ace his exams even though he was the one to refuse my help. On the surface I was a perfect kid, but I suffered silently. All I could do was take in what they said and accept it for truth.

There is a saying, “When you hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up.” After I failed the test my sophomore year, I cried. I felt devastated and anxious. I felt like I failed everyone’s expectations. How was I going to explain the sudden drop in my grade? How would my brother see me? I was so disappointed in myself that I felt broken. When I told my sister about it, she revealed something that I never expected. The first test she took during her sophomore year of high school, she received a grade so low that the teacher asked if she wanted to drop a level. I was shocked because to me she was perfect. My sister told me that I need to stop being so hard on myself. It’s good to have high aspirations but it’s okay if I don’t always meet them as long I am doing the best I can.

Being a middle child has taught me that no one is perfect and no one will ever be perfect. You can never satisfy everyone and that is a fact. Everyone has flaws and everyone will fail at least once in their life. Now, I do my best to live my life knowing and accepting myself and my limits - I will never let others dictate who I am again.

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