I used to hate the letter S. Before I was eight, the letter S was always such a typical letter. After I turned eight, I started to loathe it with everything inside of me. The letter felt dreadful to say. I started to think everything was being pulled away from me. When I was eight, the word "parents" turned into the word "parent." The word "friends" turned into "friend." And the word "families" was torn to shreds, making "family."

The letter S didn’t even bother me before, and then my mom left. I remember the day she left for good. That was the day I started to hate her. That was also the day I witnessed my dad cry for the first time ever. I realized at a young age what not to do to the people you love. When she left, I watched my siblings gradually forget their mom, and my dad slowly start to fall in love with other people. I grew towards hating the letter S even more every minute. I didn’t understand why she had to leave, or why she couldn't love her family when she had everything she could have ever wanted right in front of her. How could she leave me when she knew me? I didn't know what happened to my life.

By the time I had turned nine, I wouldn't even say the word “parents” out loud. It was a slur rising up my throat. I felt like a disappointment when I would use the letter by accident. I wanted to make it clear that I didn’t consider my mother as my mom, but the worst part about all of it was that I projected it onto my siblings. I made them hate her for every reason I hated her.

After my tenth birthday, I realized this because my dad got a new girlfriend. At the time I didn’t like her. I always made it known that I only had my dad, and would always only have my dad standing for both of my parents. I started to feel isolated when she came around, because all my dad's time, effort, and attention would be projected towards her. I just wanted my family back. I felt like she was trying to replace my role in our household. I was always the one in charge, and then I wasn't. I didn’t understand why my siblings loved her and I didn’t.

One night, I went to walk outside to talk to my dad and I watched as the two of them talked. They were laughing and smiling. He was even holding her hand. I couldn’t believe it. I had never seen my dad like that with any woman, not even my own mother. I stepped back inside and sat in my room on the floor. I started thinking for a moment. I was angry that my mom and dad never had that kind of relationship with each other. And then for a second I stopped and noticed how happy my dad looked. He was actually happy. I always wanted him to look like that.

After that night, I started to talk to my dad's girlfriend, and let her in. I started to love her. I noticed how much emptiness and pressure was taken off my shoulders when I let her in my life. This whole time I had been trying to define the word “parents'' as a biological mom and dad.

That's when I understood that the word “parents'' meant so much more than just my mother and father being together. I also figured out what makes a mother isn’t just about relatedness, but who stands beside you and loves you at your lowest. I used to hate the letter S, but now that I found the true definition of parents, the letter S is something I appreciate and have the privilege of using daily.

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