I was living with my biological parents in Cottage Grove, Oregon. This period of my life should have been filled with more positives, yet a lot of my trauma is from that period, especially with my dad in my life then.

One day my dad and I went on a fishing trip with his friends and their sons off the coast of Oregon. Our primary goal was to get a few crabs and head back to the house.

Instead of going fishing, all the dads got very drunk and couldn't function well. The other kids and I got together to come up with a plan when we noticed we were about 30 miles away from the shore. Eventually we started to panic. After the panic set in, we were eventually able to collect ourselves and tried to rationalize the situation. I tried waking up my dad but he was passed out - so were his friends.

I got into the driver's seat, turned on the boat, and recall seeing a big lit up sign on the shore. I told my friends that I would follow that until we got back. I gassed up the boat and started heading over there slowly while trying to figure out what I was doing. When we got back to the shore we saw police and ambulance lights. As we walked up the hill we saw our moms waiting for us and talking to a cop. They started running towards us when they saw us, then the paramedics made sure we were okay.

They asked us what happened. A part of me didn't want to tell because I wanted to defend my dad. Another part of me hated him for what he did, so I told her everything and my dad ended up being hauled away to jail for child abuse along with the other dads.

This event was important to me because it helped me see that my dad didn't really care about me. He just cared about how he looked in front of my mom and family. Whenever they weren't around he treated me like crap and like any random kid. Eventually it got to the point where my mom could see it too and that is when she left him.

I had always looked up to my dad for what he's tried to do for me. That was the first mistake I made. I cared too much about what he thought and what he wanted to the point where that's all I did. I got so caught up in it. The day he went away I felt free and I felt like I could do anything I wanted with no restrictions. I didn't have him hovering over me while I did everything in my life. I grew up a bit and started doing what I wanted to do with my mom and sisters by my side.

After dealing with him for so many years, it felt great to not have that pressure on me anymore. I am now able to enjoy being 18 years old and almost done with high school. I finally see my potential and what I can accomplish on my own. I never needed my dad. I believe in myself and am lucky to have my mom’s support. I’m excited to show everyone what I accomplished without a father figure. I see a ton of people saying “I can't do this because I don't have a dad,”  or “I wish I had a dad that cared.” I say, you can do it yourself! Nobody else is going to put you in the position or give you every little thing you want. Nobody is going to accomplish your goals for you. You have to have that drive to do it yourself, or not at all. Anything is possible.

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