The year was coming to a quick end. I was going through a really rough time. I was in a bad space and felt sad all the time. I would carry it with me to school and everywhere else I went. I suffer from depression and anxiety and so I thought I would be able to handle it. I’m used to these feelings and thoughts. But it felt like it was the worst downfall I’d ever experienced.

I had no drive. I dreaded getting up every morning to go to school. I dreaded seeing everybody. I wanted to drop out. One day, while we were eating, I told my dad how I felt about school. His response of course was that never in a million years could I drop out. It was difficult for me to tell him, I felt like a disappointment, but I also didn’t want to let him down. For a month and a half I stopped showing up to classes. I would just walk around in the basement or go to the bathroom and sit there letting time pass. I often skipped or left with my closest friend or my boyfriend. They were the only two who I could confide in and who understood me. I felt better skipping and forgetting about the things that made my anxiety shoot through the roof. I started going late to school, or not going at all. Sometimes I’d leave during the day and go home. Throughout this, my friend and boyfriend were always there for me, their presence made me feel safe.

But eventually I got tired of leaving school, skipping classes, and knowing that I was failing and dragging them down with me. Then one day I received a text from my school dean, asking me to come talk. I went to see her and she told me that I had so much going for me and how great of a student I was. It made me feel amazing to hear how highly someone else thought of me, especially someone I had given quite a hard time to. That same day I was supposed to go on a college field trip. My dean realized and told me to go, that we could talk that afternoon. I had been so excited for that trip. But going on the tour was like a big slap in the face. It made me realize how important my future really is. Returning from the trip I had a different mindset, I cared more. But I was still unsure. My mind was constantly overflowing with thoughts. I got so tired of being tired, not just physically but emotionally as well. I pushed myself to reach out for help. I spoke with the dean again. I now realize how my dean gave me the push that I needed. Her faith in me helped me gain my confidence and hope back. I began showing up to school and going to my classes. I began wanting to be in school. It was still hard. I would still leave if I began to get stressed. But honestly I was mad at myself for letting it happen again. Something just snapped in me. I thought about everything that I wanted and most importantly I thought about how much I wanted to make my mom proud.

I know now that what I want is this. I want to make it to my senior year and walk across the stage. I have made a commitment to push myself no matter what struggles get in my way. I think that everyone goes through hard times. Everyone gets to the point where they want to give up. It’s human nature to feel like your world is collapsing on you at some point. But it’s important to remember that things get better, and it’s okay to seek out support.

© Aliyah. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.