The only way I can describe myself throughout my freshman and sophomore years is sluggish. I had almost no motivation to do anything productive nor did I set many goals for myself. I had a set routine: walk to school, do the work, and walk back home. I didn’t join any extracurricular activities or any clubs. I spent my time lounging around or going out to stores or downtown with friends. I didn’t realize that I was losing pieces of myself. It started with my hobbies like playing the bass, writing and drawing. I developed these passions when I was in elementary school. But suddenly, my passion for these hobbies slowly started to fade away. It felt like I was losing my spark, my personality. I thought I was having fun, but I came to realize I wasn’t happy with the way I was living my life and with the person I was becoming. I was getting bored of the same routine every week.

Towards the end of sophomore year, it felt as if I was falling behind. I saw my friends planning to take harder courses, applying for jobs, preparing for their driving permits, discussing different clubs they would take next year. My friends were pursuing the things they loved and taking initiative for their life. Instead of feeling pity for myself, I decided to take full responsibility for myself. After weeks of talking to friends, I saw how much they accomplished and I felt disappointed in myself. I realized I wanted to become just as successful as them.

Once summer rolled around, my first step into reinventing myself was to reignite the spark I had for my hobbies. The process was rough, I had a difficult time trying to get back into my old routine. I loved drawing on paper and learning new songs to play, but it felt like a chore trying to achieve the feeling again. It was a long process of practicing for five minutes and getting distracted for twenty. But with time I learned how to build discipline and learned to manage my time better through trial and error. I learned what routines suited me best. I was slowly returning back to my old self.

I decided to take another step forward after making progress. I started applying to jobs, but this time I didn’t have the same luck as I had with my hobbies. My heart raced every time I opened up a new application. When I scrolled through my emails, there was radio silence from most of the places I applied to. And if I miraculously had a response, it was a rejection. I was losing hope, but I knew that if I let it get to me, it’d drag me back down.

Junior year began. I focused on my personal growth enough during the summer, I wanted to focus on my academics. I chose to take a dual enrollment class and I joined extracurricular activities. I joined NAHS, NHS, and Outdoor Adventures Club. At first, I felt confident applying to the clubs. But then, I was rejected from one of them. I felt a sense of panic and failure wash over me. But I was able to pick myself up and stand my ground because I was still determined to get in. I advocated for myself, discussing the club with the specific teacher, feeling so anxious when he re-read my application. I was able to get in. I was able to start my junior year off to a good start. I managed to stay on top of every paper and major assignments with motivation from friends. Though I had setbacks from procrastination, I kept pushing forward.

In the span of a few months, I was able to grow dramatically. Outside, I’m the same person, but on the inside, I feel like a different person. I finally felt like I had control over my own life and had a sense of balance. I no longer feel like I’m falling behind everyone else, I feel much happier with myself knowing I have a purpose.

© Leanne. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.