If you look at me from the outside, you may see a girl who's always smiling and laughing, but that is all just an act. On the inside my brain is working overtime to figure out how I can be most likable and fit in the best. I like to think overthinking is one of the best things I do. In any situation I'm in, I overthink every detail. This overthinking eventually affects how I act and look. It leads to me having anxiety about any situation I'm in. My mom tells me stories about when I was too little to remember: she would grab me by the arm and pull me behind her into my dance classes. I would scream, kick, and fight out of her grasp just so I wouldn't have to go to dance class. What I think would happen is, even at a young age, I would continually overthink and it would lead me to have anxiety about everything. I wouldn't try new things because of the impact of my anxiety.

When I reached 5th grade things took a turn. I became more self conscious of myself and I was starting to overthink everything. I realized that I was going to be out of my comfort zone next year. I would be at a new school with a chance that I didn’t know anyone. So, it became hard for me to put myself out there and talk to people at times. I started to care what people thought about me. I started to quiet down when I thought I was being too loud; I would self sabotage myself and lose friends. My anxiety got so bad that I couldn’t go anywhere alone without my parents or sister.

With my fear, I transitioned into middle school. It was definitely a huge change. I still remember the feeling of being weighed down as if a thousand rocks were in my stomach as I walked into the building. The first day of school I was so nervous to talk to anyone I didn't know, until one girl sat right next to me in Social Studies. She looked at me and smiled and I just looked down at my feet. As I looked down, I noticed her shoes were painted in a Harry Potter theme. This was the best way to start a conversation, I thought. I looked up and with all my courage I said, “I love your shoes, did you paint them?”

That's all I had to say, and she started talking. “Omg thank you!” She squealed, throwing her hands up in the air. “My aunt made them for me; she's such a good painter. She got these from Walmart and just used acrylic paint. O M G, she'd probably make you some! What's your favorite animal? You should totally do that!”

She went on and on and took over most of the conversation, which made it easy for me because all I had to do was listen. The girl and I are no longer friends, but I am very thankful to her for talking to me on that first day. She gave me the confidence to create new friends, talk to people I don't know, and not think about others’ opinions, just mine.

Today I still overthink, but it has been limited. I am more confident in myself, and I work on focusing on what I think and not others’ opinions. I believe the reason I overthink is because I care what people think about me. Overthinking shouldn't get to the point where it controls your life. You should be able to express yourself to the fullest and not care about others' opinions. When you do express yourself to the fullest you will find the people who love you for all of you, not just what you want them to see.

© Emma. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.