When I was born, my mother sent me back to China as we were living in poverty in America and my family couldn’t afford to take care of another child. When I arrived in China, I met my mother’s side of the family. My grandmother took care of me for six years; in fact, she was the first person to change my diaper. Over the course of those years, I immersed myself in Chinese traditions and rules, until the day I was sent back to finally meet my parents in America.

When I arrived, I felt like I was living with strangers. I was lucky enough to be able to communicate with my family at home, but when they registered me for school, that was when I truly felt alone. Following those years, I began to slowly understand American traditions and, in my head, I compared and contrasted the differences between them and Chinese traditions. I was confused about the way my parents raised me because it wasn’t like anything I’ve seen on television or was taught in health ed classes. Since it was something I grew up with, I didn’t bother to find any errs and took on whatever punishment I had. Then I slowly began to be desensitized by their discipline and instead, wore them as a badge of pride.

One day I was chatting with some of my other Asian friends, laughing along and complaining about our parents. We all agreed that they were unyielding and strict as I realized that each one of our stories all had a similar theme. It’s that they value conformity over creativity. That their children have learned to behave differently after coming to America. I asked them if they’ve ever found their discipline questionable but they all shrugged at me, saying “This is just how Asian parents are.”

After that day, I spent my time wanting to unlearn the things my parents taught me because I thought that if I brought my children up in the same light as they did, they’d grow up to be loathful, like me. So, then I avoided my parents, hating them as they viewed me as difficult, rebellious, and unloyal to them and what they believed to be Chinese traditions. Soon, I would slowly steer away from my culture altogether.

After years of trying to find my identity and fit myself within one culture, I realized that I didn’t have to follow every tradition in Chinese culture. When I steered away from it, I didn’t want to be associated with China’s conservative and unyielding ways, but as I’ve matured, I know I can be a Chinese American who evolved and reformed that tradition.

© Yumiko. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.