In seventh grade my friends began joining the basketball team. So did I. My friends loved basketball. You could tell by how serious they took the sport. The fact that all my friends played made me want to play basketball more. So I joined the school team, the CCSL Wolves. I played basketball for the fun of it. To spend time with my friends. Was I any good? Hell no! I was terrible, but this just made me love basketball more. I went to every practice. I was so determined to become better. I did this to impress my friends.

I played over the summer. Every single day. I really wanted to get better. So I joined the basketball team in eighth grade. But the summer before high school is what really taught me to love basketball. I played for countless hours. I realized basketball was my safe place. I felt comfortable on the court. I no longer played just because my friends did. I relied on basketball.

I was excited for my freshman year of high school. Yet I was still a little nervous about my role on the team, I wanted to have a good debut. I landed a spot as captain of my high school team. The year flew by. Game after game win or loss, I loved playing. I felt so good every game. Every pass I made was like a fresh breath of air. I loved that feeling.

We headed into the end of the season: March, 2020. Rumors were passing around the school about a sickness. I saw reports on my phone, but I didn't pay them much mind, because honestly it didn’t affect me. My teacher told our class we would be getting an extra week of spring break. This made me so happy I was honestly thrilled for a longer break--I mean who wouldn’t be?

Despite me thinking this was just a normal sickness, it wasn’t. This was COVID-19, the most mentally lost, draining, and depressing time I’ve gone through in my life. Particularly because I lost something really special to me. This was basketball. I relied on basketball as a place, an activity where I could deal with my emotions. But lockdown made me lose the one place where I could really let loose of my emotions.

In lock down, socially distant from friends and teammates, I was stuck. I felt like I was in a loop, repeating the same activities everyday. I had no real way of socializing or expressing my feelings due to social distancing. I distanced myself from basketball, my friends. I distanced myself from who I really was. I missed the old me. I lost so much time, I lost the sport I loved. Most importantly I was lost.

Everyday while locked up in my room I told myself that I needed to find new ways to be happy with myself again. I was sick of feeling stuck. I was sick of not being able to express myself. I was sick of the COVID-19 lockdown.

Junior year of high school. I was scared. It was our first time back in school in a year. I had lost my social skills. I was scared of meeting new people, of trying new things.

But I knew I needed to break my shell of being shy and scared. But I didn’t return to the sport. I felt like I had taken too much time away from basketball. It was too long gone in my past. Honestly I just lost that love I had for basketball. It just hurt to go try and chase basketball again. So I began to workout and go out more. I started working. I made new friends, found new hobbies. I started to feel at peace again. I found new passions, new things to love, and another way to distance myself from stress. I was happy. I no longer felt the feeling of losing something I loved. I was at peace again.

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