In middle school my girl friends would tell me about the comments guys made about them and their bodies. I never used to get comments like that and I was jealous to say the least. I wanted guys to like me. I never seemed to do anything to make guys want me. I kind of wanted that natural attractiveness. I wanted what my friends had, that attracted all the guys. My friends would talk about how they commented on their body specifically, at the time. I didn't know that those types of vulgar comments were not appropriate. And they were comments that no one should make as an 8th grader.

As I went on to high school, during freshman year I started receiving similar comments, comments some people seemed to say were compliments. Most girls my age received it as a compliment, so that is what I believed it was. But these “compliments” were not from people my age. They would always happen when I would be walking alone downtown Lowell. Mainly men would comment on my body when I walked by. One day this older guy said something about me while I was wearing leggings. I thought to myself “wow this can't be the comment that I want?! This can't be the same feeling my friends were feeling when boys would make comments about them?!” Because right then and there I felt so uncomfortable. Not just uncomfortable, I felt disgusting. I can barely describe it because that would make it seem like I am exaggerating. But I really am not, when I tell you that the comment made me feel like changing into different clothes. What I was wearing wasn't what the general eye would deem “showy,”  meaning I'm trying to show off my body. It was regular clothes any girl would wear. Leggings and a hoodie. Now I would be lying if I said the hoodie wasn't cropped but it wasn't exaggerated, like insanely cropped just something that was hanging right below my belly button. It didn't matter what I was wearing. The comments on my body were wrong and shouldn’t be on someone’s mind.

This continued to happen all year long. It would happen mostly when I walked the streets alone, but my reactions to these situations would just be to smile it off. I always did that, whenever I felt uncomfortable I would smile. I became so scared sometimes when the comments were more aggressive. I thought these men would follow me, so instead of standing my ground I would smile or laugh so the situation would not progress. I would walk away or take a different route just to avoid being followed.  As time went on nothing changed.

It was clear that when I entered high school my body was way different than the previous year. So I dressed to fit the new me. But whenever I wore something that another, skinnier, girl that was a different size than me would wear, I would get looked at or talked to about in a way they didn’t seem to.  I changed what I wore, but in my head I wondered why me? Why was I treated differently? The clothes are the same but why was I questioned just because my body was different? This type of situation would make me think that I was doing something wrong by dressing like I was, it would make me feel like I was trying to show off my body but I really wasn't, in reality I was just dressing the same as the person next to me.

Before I would have second thoughts about whether or not to change my clothing based on these comments. But now I don’t cover up any more or less to make myself not noticeable. I never wore anything that was deemed “provocative.” I wore dresses like everyone else, wore shorts like everyone else so I wasn't going to change myself to make these weirdos stop commenting. I always thought to myself “why should I change, when they could change their disgusting mindset?” I hope that as a society we can look past clothing and that we can stop judging women for the clothes they have on.

© Joy. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.