Insecurities. Everyone has them, and it affects different people in different ways. Some people are insecure about their body, while others may feel it towards their abilities in school. They can be anything for anybody, not everyone feels the same way. However, one thing I’m sure everybody can agree on is that insecurities often spark from places that you just don’t expect them to. They can alter your mindset in ways that make it difficult to go about your life.

My experience with insecurities began when I was about ten years old. Up until that point, I was confident yet humble, intelligent yet entertaining, etcetera. But the one thing I always was, was myself. I didn’t hide my personality no matter who I was with. The moment I changed was when my friends at the time informed me that one of our classmates had made some comments about me. If I recall correctly, this classmate said that I was fat, annoying, and a know-it all. When I heard this information, my confidence immediately dropped. I had always assumed most people liked me, which I guess could have been mostly my fault, but for someone to say those things about me was just too hurtful.

That was where I discovered insecurity. I became self-conscious of how I looked, what I said, how I acted. Even the sound of my own voice was something I felt would bother people. I became very reserved and stopped being myself. When something was funny, I chuckled instead of laughed because I thought my laugh sounded annoying. Whenever I was sitting, I straightened my back because I always thought people would make fun of my posture. I started to experiment with makeup and changed my style into whatever the trend was for middle school me, just so I could change my appearance. Even at home, I would stare in the mirror and practice different facial expressions to make sure I didn’t look weird when I made them in public. This went on through all of middle school.

Some people may call it dramatic, and for a while I did too. I couldn’t even accept that there was a problem beyond me being a little hurt. I didn’t realize this until I stopped believing people who complimented me. I couldn’t help but feel like they pitied me and were lying to make me feel better. All this started from a few words someone said about me in elementary school. I was way too young to be feeling the way I did and often still do.

I’m a sophomore in high school now with five years of growth under my belt. I slimmed down as I’ve gotten taller and my voice isn’t super high pitched anymore. Despite being so different from when these words were said about me, I still close myself off a bit. High school is a scary place for everyone, but when you don’t have any confidence in yourself or what you can do, it becomes a living nightmare.

Battling insecurities can be incredibly difficult, but it’s especially hard when you do it yourself. I’ve met some people who have been really helpful through the ups and downs of my self confidence. My closest friends and boyfriend are always commenting positively on my appearance even when I feel it shouldn’t be complimented. It can be overwhelming sometimes but the “love bombs” have become something I can look forward to when I’m around the people who care for me. Even family will compliment me on something and I instantly have a little boost of confidence. My loved ones have gotten me back onto the road to being myself. I still have a long way to go, but a start is a start.

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