The thoughts would rush into my mind. The impending responsibilities of high school would torment me as I rolled out of bed each day. I wasn’t even in high school and I was already stressed about it.

I lived my life exploring every club and experience that I had access to. Girl Scouts. Check. Glee club. Check. Volunteering at the library. Check. I even signed up for a culinary arts class. I was a busy little girl. Every day was filled with things I enjoyed doing. However, my joy was intertwined with the pressure of being successful in the future. I was working hard for a better future, but I forgot to live in the moment. I liked the thought of doing grown stuff. Makeup, making money, having things to do, basically everything that made me look successful. I wanted people to think that I had my life together. I thought being “grown” meant that I didn’t have to rely on others. I was chasing independence. I thought being “grown” meant that I always had to be busy. I was chasing a mindset set on the future.

Not living in the present and being so focused on the future impacted things I did or didn’t do. I missed out on so many opportunities to hang out with friends and family. Instead of going out and living my life, I was home stuck in a box thinking and thinking. Growing up was on my mind every single day. It even affected good memories, moments like going to the Glee Club and the Girl Scouts. I was going to do all of these things every day, not for myself, but for the future.

For a few years, I walked every day to school with my sisters. My sisters however were in high school and would complain about their high school experience. Their words just made it sound so miserable and boring. Those moments led me to think about the responsibilities that were waiting for me when it was my time to go to high school. I was only in middle school but that was the only thing I could think about. The good had turned negative, school sounded like a job now and it meant having to keep up with everything I was doing all of the time. Suddenly, school and the future didn't sound so exciting anymore.

I had just graduated from eighth grade, but I felt empty. My mind was stuck in some type of blur. I wasn’t looking forward to high school. It caused anxiety and pain that I had never felt before. I couldn't do anything. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or stay positive. I couldn’t make myself do all of the things that had kept me busy before. I was accustomed to being so productive and happy that I felt like my situation showed that I was weak, but my parents and siblings were there right around the corner and helped me become a better version of myself. My dad comforted me and had long talks with me when he knew I was unwell. My mom provided for me, made food for me, and had long pep talks with me. My siblings showed that they understood me and talked to me about the things I was so worried about. I had all my family surrounding me with love and support, yet everything they would tell me sounded just so meaningless.

One day, my mom took me to the grocery store and told me to look around. She wanted me to look at the sky, flowers, and the good things in life. She told me I could be anything I wanted. It was simple. Finally, I found new meaning in life. I started to realize that I shouldn’t be so caught up in the future. I started doing things for my present self.

© Angela. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.