I hide behind the mask of a person that I am not. I have trust issues so I wear a mask because I am scared of what people will think of my real personality. I am scared that they won't like who I truly am. If I become emotionally available, I might get hurt again. The mask keeps me safe. The mask keeps me distant.

I got close to two people in middle school. We would have fun together, talk about life, and reminisce about the good times we had together. It felt like I could open up to them. They understood me and we shared similar experiences. However, that changed when I found out that they told other people about the conversations we shared. If I wanted other people to know, I would have told them. They were the only ones I wanted to know. I felt exposed. I started talking less because I was mad and frustrated with them and I could not tell them any of my personal problems anymore.

I started to act like a different person because I could no longer trust people with the real me anymore. I could not show any feelings I wanted toward people. People were able to tell that I was hiding behind a mask and not acting like me but I could not tell them why because I was scared they would tell other people. I did not want them to know.

When I don't wear a mask, I feel good most of the time. Behind the mask, I feel like I am a whole different person. As soon as I get criticized, I go back to hiding behind a mask. I act like I do not care about what is happening around me. However, I am sad inside because I want to be close to people again but I am so overprotective of myself. I feel like I have two sides to myself, one where I do not care for anyone or show emotion, and one side where it is the complete opposite. The mask changes my personality and the way I act around people. I hide behind it a lot but it keeps me from being able to like or love people. I just have to act like I do not care for them. If I am around people I am close with, I act one way. I act another way with someone I am not close with. This prevents me from having good and close relationships with people I really want to.

It scares me to try to make new relationships with people without hiding my true self because I think about the past and the stuff that has happened and how it went wrong. I want to start showing people my real personality and my real self. When I hide behind a mask, I feel ashamed of myself because I cannot be myself. I cannot trust people as much as I want to. I want to fill them in on my life and I want to have a relationship with the people in my life. I am a nice and caring person. I just have to be able to open up to people. That is what I am aiming to do. I want to be able to live life and forget about the past. I want to trust people. I want to remove the mask.

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