Some might say I am too dramatic, weak, and fragile, but I disagree. The period I went through full of pitch darkness, of lost hope, and of broken trust was too real to be made up. I felt betrayed. Heartbroken. Like I was their puppet, used and looked down upon, but how was an elementary kid supposed to know the heavy meaning of the world? How did I get to that state? Well...

I am an ABC (American Born Chinese). However, I was sent back to China for my grandparents to take care of me. Returning to America when I was five years old was a significant change in the environment; it was an eye-opening experience: new types of food, new types of appearances, but mainly new types of languages. I didn’t know any fluent English besides a few simple phrases, yet I was still befriended and welcomed by a group of girls. They were amazing, and we called ourselves the “Asian Group.”

Still my perfect school life filled with joy, excitement, and laughter came crashing down during fourth grade and I realized that it all was one-sided. During fourth grade, there was a new girl from France, and she was welcomed into our group, which struck me as a surprise because she didn’t fit the “Asian” category. Slowly, I started to feel left out and later I realized that my friends whom I had trusted and valued had replaced me.

I was lonely once again, confused, and left with a hole in my chest. Luckily, after that year I went to a new school, but I entered with my guard up high, and I isolated myself from others to protect myself and keep the same situation from happening again. Even though I felt invisible, I knew it was for the best, but that all changed when I met Alyssa.

Alyssa was super-extroverted: she was always energetic, always smiling, and always expressive. I don’t know why, but when she was around, I knew I could be myself and loosen up. The more I did, the more I felt comfortable and contributed to conversations. She convinced me to join clubs with her, such as art club, where I got to know more people. Because we were a small community, eventually I knew just about everyone in my grade. I truly felt like I belonged and was a part of a family. She and her friends made me see that not everyone is two-faced and deceitful. They made me realize that a community or even a friend group is supposed to be diverse with different personalities, races and backgrounds that make them special. Therefore, being yourself is not something you should hide or be ashamed to share; instead, be proud of the differences you have and express them.

Though to this day I struggle with self-esteem and confidence, it has improved from my young childhood. Now I can make friends quickly and put myself out there for who I am, though I am scarred from the incident and from time to time I will doubt my friendships because of how sensitive it left me. Whereas I used to try to please everyone around me because I thought that I did not deserve my own happiness, now instead I put myself before others at times by saying “no” and setting boundaries.

As I have grown up in America, I have learned that it is ok to express myself and be who I am, although it is completely different from my culture of being reserved and only expressing myself under limited conditions. Moreover, today if you ask me what a friend is, I will confidently reply that a friend is not just a person who is kind to you. Friends are individuals who accept you, appreciate you, and care about you. They are also always loyal, reliable, and honest.

© Dinlin. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.