Twelve years ago, my aunt met her future husband, and with him came his three-year-old daughter, Caroline. I watched as my aunt grew into a wonderful stepmom and created a deep connection with her new daughter. Over the next ten years, my aunt went on to have three children of her own and my connections with each of them became strong. However, my relationship was lacking with one cousin: Caroline.

As I got older, Caroline and I drifted further apart, and I began to feel negative towards her. As a middle schooler, I was embarrassed when she came around my friends and I felt as if she failed to fit in. I felt I was growing up and maturing but she wasn’t. I singled her out and often complained about her to my friends. After a while, I began to understand that these actions hurt her feelings, resulting in me feeling poorly about myself. As I got older, my connection with my aunt grew and I began to hear stories about how Caroline was acting toward her: the constant not listening, complaining and even saying things like “you're not my real mom.” I was angered because I felt as if my aunt were being disrespected for no reason. I became hostile towards Caroline and did not associate with her, resulting in her feeling left out.

However, after hearing more about the struggles she was experiencing, I began to relate to her. She struggled with the effects of divorced parents; I was experiencing the same struggle. She struggled with managing her anxiety; I was experiencing the same struggle. She struggled with feeling overwhelmed by her family; once again, I was experiencing the same struggle. My thinking shifted from “That’s awful; why would she do that?” to “I wonder what happened that caused her to do that.” As I learned more about myself and my struggles, I learned about her and the struggles she was experiencing. I felt awful about the way I had treated her.

I reflected on my own actions, not only towards her but also towards others. I thought about how it made me feel and how it made others feel. Sometimes, I was rude, selfish, and cruel. This hurt their feelings and it hurt my character. There were also times when I was kind, empathetic and caring. This made others feel joy and appreciation and it made me feel accomplished. I grew to have a deeper understanding of my feelings and the effects of my actions. This helped to grow my connections with Caroline. Instead of treating her rudely or ignoring her altogether, I began complimenting the little things, like her outfit. I reached out to include her in things like family game night and treated her like I would anyone else. This put a smile on her face and helped me to understand that being nice has a positive effect on others. It is simple, takes little effort, and helps to create joy all around.

Caroline has continued to face many challenges and the last thing she needs is negativity from me. Although she might not know it, I worried for her in times where she was struggling. I prayed she would get better and have more opportunity for growth. I learned, through time, that it takes a lot more energy and time to be purposefully rude and mean to others than it does to simply be kind. Every day, I think about my actions and how they will affect others. I think about why someone may act as they have and what the real reason behind it is; I think about how everyone deserves kindness whether they are spreading it or not. I have more growth to accomplish, but time is a necessity for change. I hope always to stand by the statement, “Treat others how you want to be treated” and I hope you will, too.

© Megan. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.