Growing up I knew something was off about me. As I aged it only became more present. I grew up as a single child with my dad. My mom had passed away shortly after I was born so there wasn’t a female figure in the home for me. My dad knew very little about raising a girl so I learned most things from my aunts and my grandmothers. I was always described as a tomboy and sometimes people assumed I was a boy. I was always told that this should bother me, but it never did.

One time I was at a festival with my grandmother. It was cold so I had a hoodie on and my hair was up in a beanie. My grandmother sent me to go grab some drinks. While in line someone called me a “young man”. At first, I hesitated, it didn’t feel wrong. It felt right but I knew that it wasn’t because I was a woman, or at least I thought I was at the time. I was so confused about why I felt this way. I waited a moment before correcting him. The rest of the night I was just thinking about that moment.

I had unrestricted internet access as a kid, for the most part anyways. One day I got curious about these feelings so I searched for it. I didn’t know what to search for so I just spewed my feelings into the search bar. At first, I got the word “Bisexual” but I knew that wasn’t right. After a bit more searching I came across a place for people who were transgender. I had heard a little bit about transgender people, mostly bad things as I went to a Christian school. The stuff I had learned about transgender people at school and church and even from my own family, was never good. So I panicked. I knew that I couldn’t come out, not just yet. So I pretended to be a different person. After creating a fake identity for myself I explored the site and learned more about being transgender. Although I couldn’t bring myself to recognize it, I was transgender.

I didn’t know how my family would feel about me. I knew that they loved me, and they always said they would love me no matter what. But something still kept me from saying anything about it. Until one night when the subject got brought up. I was with my family having dinner when my uncle brought up one of those “Love island” tv shows. He talked about how one of the men on the show was transgender. While speaking my uncle kept using the words “weird”, “confusing”, or saying “I don't get it”. It made me nervous. So I told him that I hope he doesn’t feel that way about me because I was transgender.

This was the first time I openly admitted who I was. Needless to say, the table was shocked. Some supported and some didn’t but all that mattered to me at that moment was the relief I felt. Coming out to the rest of my family was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. And still, to this day, some don’t “get it” or give me the respect I’ve asked for. Sometimes it feels like they just ignored me or that they forgot about this crucial thing in my life.

Living in America I have privileges and rights some people don’t get. America is more accepting of my existence but we still face challenges. Police brutality, high suicide rates, denial of medical treatment, and discrimination. People still don’t respect us, I know a lot of them don’t respect me. But it’s the “American Duty” to fight for freedom, isn’t it? So I will not give up on my fight, my people.

© Landon. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.