During the first week of November in 2020, my parents were informed of the war breaking out in Tigray, Ethiopia. It had been initiated by the Ethiopian government. As my parents' phones buzzed with messages from their friends, notifications from news channels bombarded them. Every necessity had been cut off in Tigray: electricity, phone services, banks, and access to food and water. Feeling uneasy about my parents' anxious reactions, I retreated to my room and tried to remain hopeful despite the troubling implications of it all.

Unbeknownst to me, these problems in Tigray would escalate over time. News of each massacre, along with air attacks and mass arrests against Tigray citizens, were broadcast every day in our house. In addition to the anxiety brought on by the pandemic, the distressing news of the ongoing conflict heightened unwanted feelings of misery and impending doom. Despite a year of this conflict, the war persisted. Unable to contact family and friends, we only could sit and watch. My dad's last phone call to his mom was about making plans to visit for the new year. It had been years since they last met, and he was quite uncertain if he would ever be able to see her again. I soon realized that the war would destroy my own chances of ever visiting as well.

Sometime in April, around midnight, a sudden ringing pierced through the silence, waking me briefly. The noise then ceased, and I fell back to sleep. The following morning, I headed off for school, completely forgetting about the call the prior night. Later that day, my father picked me up from school and we talked until we got home. However, upon arriving, my father rushed up the stairs to speak with my sister in a hushed voice. Oblivious, I carried on with my routine until the sound of my sister's hesitant footsteps descended the staircase. As she drew closer to me, my heart sank and I tensed up. With tears running down her face, she dropped a bomb: “Our grandma has passed away.”

I didn’t know how to react. Shocked by the news, I couldn't believe what had happened, and all I could think was why this would happen to my family? She had passed from Covid and was unable to get any medical treatment because of the blockade. The fact that she could still be living today if she had been able to get to a hospital haunts me. My mom had a big family but has lost them in the worst ways. Last year she lost her older sister; the reason for her death was unclear because of the ongoing war, but we have our suspicions. I was extremely terrified of my mom's arrival from work. I didn't know how to act around her or how I would comfort her. My grandma and I had not met much since I was a kid, and I didn't have any memories of her other than the times I talked to her on the phone, but those calls were enough for me to know that she had quite a strong character. My grandmother was funny and a caring mother. It is difficult to comprehend our family’s loss.

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