I never really had anyone I could rely on growing up which is why music has always played a huge role in my life. Music was always surrounding me, whether it was directly or just in the background. From using music to focus to music being distracting, I grew up listening to and loving music. I always considered music to be something that I could rely on due to how emotionally absent my parents were during most of my childhood. Whenever I would feel sad, or like I needed someone to talk to, I could never talk to my parents. I would always have to rely on music to try and comfort me as I found it awkward talking to friends or my sisters. I never got the chance to have an open and emotional talk with my parents.

When my dog Cricket died, I needed help coping. He was an adorable and loving dog. I was 6 years old standing out in the front yard when a big pitbull came walking through the neighborhood. In the time it had taken me to go and get help, Cricket was attacked. Cricket had suffered a bite to the stomach. I saw my dad chase the pitbull away and take Cricket inside. All I could do was wait,  it was a race against the clock.

The next day he died and somehow, I knew that he would. I knew about death but I struggled to fully understand what happened when my parents told me that they had buried him in a pet cemetery. It was 5 years later when I found out that they dumped him in a cardboard box in a random alleyway. When I found out I started crying my eyes out and the first thing I wanted to do was go to my room and listen to music. I started playing music to drown out the sounds of my own sobbing which helped because I tried to focus more on the music rather than my own sadness.

Aside from listening to music as a way to escape, I also used music to comfort myself. It might sound stupid but I needed comforting when my dad said he was proud of me. He was in the front yard drinking, which he doesn’t do often. This time he was outside with my dogs while my mom was inside asleep. I went outside to get some fresh air and when my dad saw me, he started telling me he was proud of me. His music was blasting in the background. It was the first of two times my dad has told me he is proud of me. I instead tried to focus on the fact that in that moment I had gotten praise from someone that I usually never get praise from. It was my music that comforted me that night.

After a few more situations like this with me using music to cope I realized that I have different people surrounding me now. I have friends who can give advice, who understand what I am going through, and who I can have meaningful conversations with. Additionally, my sisters are more mature people and I can talk to them now. My friends are also mature enough so I can have meaningful conversations whether they are about feelings, words, or people. When I realized that my environment had improved and that I now had people to talk to and rely on, I found new ways to cope. For the first time, when I had a problem instead of relying on music, I actually had someone I could go to. Eventually, I learned to stop relying solely on music and started relying on myself and others. However, I still go back to using music to cope every so often.

© Dayana. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.